Sorry, Geez, been busy lookin' for a job, going coucou here! My brain needs to work!! I can feel those electrons in my brain, bouncing back, going tzzz tzzz and having nowhere to go!
But I scored 2 interviews. Cross your fingers.
The lady was telling me that, the 1st hour after she posted the add, she got more than 100 emails!! YYYYeeeeaah, it's tuff out there right now.
Anyways, back to crunchy details, miaou.
Really weird vibe I got from my super last Friday... I call him up, cause my sink is clogged up and now it's leaking cause lolA tried to fix it, duh! So he comes up, takes a look at it; I bring him to the bedroom, nooo not in that way. Geez people! What are you thinking?! That I'm some kinda slut! hahaha. It's just that there's a huge stain on my ceiling: neighbors heater probably leaking.. Ok. And on his way out, out of nowhere he says: "can I have a kiss?" WTF? IUUU Shit, No, what, why, hun? I've always been friendly and funny but helloooo IUUU NOOOOOOO
1: you are my super
2: you are fat and depressed
3: you sleep with your dog
So, I don't say anything and just give him a "Thank you hug" but there was that weird moment, when you say hello or goodbye and you give a peck on the cheek but you are not sure which cheek to go for, so you end up face to face? Well that happened. OH GOD! Just give him the hug lolA!! and I shut the door loudly behind him. IUUU just thinking of that moment still gives me the creeps. I've been so cold with him lately which from me is still friendly...
Later that day... lolA is getting ready for her date with "the bearded man"!! and for some reason, I get this feeling that the full monty is gonna be around, if you see what I mean, hehe ;) and I start cleaning my place, it needed it anyways.. I shave, cream. humm which underwear? good these socks have no holes. Not too much perfume and a touch of gloss and off I go!
Meeting at one of my local bars, it's my "okcupid bar" the regulars are gonna start thinking I'm a slut seeing me with a new guy every weekend. haha whatever, they can think what they want, it'll keep them busy! and don't think I sleep with all of them each time!
I can see him in the distance, he's waiting outside the bar.
Oh God! hair in a pony tale; you call that a trimmed beard?! Oh No, the worst: white socks with leather shoes! UGH you must be kidding me, some kind of polar sweatshirt? Well, that's a good start! We go in, find some stools and he orders us 2 beers. I mean, he would look cute if he had a makeover, that's what I should do, a show for a makeover but for MEN, (probably already exists). 1 beer, 2 beers, 3 beers... good conversation, interesting, fun, no awkward silent moments. He works as an IT and is a musician as well, another one who also loves karaoke, but did not seem as obsessed as Elvis... He showed me a pix of the internet, it's crazy!! walls and walls and walls of wires for kilometers!!
Beer #4 and off we go! He walks me home and in my head, I was just gonna say goodbye at the step of my door, but who is in front of the building with his dog? My super. God Lord, Oh NO, iuu. So I'm like, ok well, I think you are going to have to come up so my super gets the big picture!
SO I make some tea, bring out some cookies and we are sitting on the couch next to each other, just like if there were a pillow in the middle. I mean, he is cute... I wouldn't mind having a little interaction here! For some reason, he keeps on telling me how sweet I am, how innocent my smile is. (duh, I do that on purpose idioto! haha. guys love that, makes them feel more like a man). That I did not say anything mean all evening! hun? What? Why would I say something mean? Is that his way of getting me in the sheets?! I don't get it. Well, I did tell him that he would need a makeover. And he tells me that he can't wait for X-mas to get some clothes from his mom: just like his polar sweater! Okaaaay, well, I get it now. Another mommy's little boy!
An hour goes by and he still did not make a move. In the past, I would be the one, making the first move. Cause they don't do shit! What is wrong with these guys? Where are those balls? Fear of rejection? Well, If you can't handle that, then I don't want you. So this time, I decided to just wait and wait (geez, either leave or kiss me, cause I'm getting tiered here) and... Here it goes: "Ok, I guess I should go now" - "ok" and we both stand up and... The hug goodbye becomes a kiss and he just throws me on the couch. OUlala. Well, guess you really wanted to kiss me, hun! Oh no, what the? Is that the hair of your mustache inside my nostril?! iuuu. Oh God, ok, let's turn heads, haha. So we're makin' out all dressed up. Getting really steamy and tingly... I'm thinking, so now what? Either he leaves now or he sleeps over, well more likely or we fuck. I know now, I do not want to see him again. So why not a little flesh and an orgasm... That won't hurt! If I would of felt like a potential future, I would of said NO.
So we take a break and have a smoke. Me: "So what do we do now?" In my head: Do you want to wake up next to him or alone? Him: "Well, I wouldn't mind sleeping next to you..." (of course, you wouldn't, ha!). We are now in the bedroom and start getting undressed. What the F*** is that? No way! He is wearing long johns under his pants! How sexier can you be? oh God! It's not even that cold outside!!
Both stripped naked we start getting back into action. Rubber time! He did try without, but I was like "nono honey! That ain't gonna happen!" - "It's just I would like to feel you a little without.." pfff yeah so then what's the point!
All, I have are the NYC rubbers and they really suck! Hardly any lub, plus the not rubber thing kinda turned me off. I'm not really feeling it anymore and I am tiered now and I wish I would of told him to go home. I knew it! I knew I did not want him here! lolA never listens to her gut feeling, the temptation was too strong. She is weak and only listens to the memories of that deep inner feeling/sensation (sigh) ahh LUST!!
We both feel this is not going anywhere so we naturally stop.
We're both lying in bed and he tells me: "I have blue balls" - (What? hun? Never herd that one before?) "yeah, I really need to come." That's what I thought...
Blue Balls (googled it the next day): the condition of temporary fluid congestion in the testicles and prostate region caused by prolonged sexual arousal in the human male.
Well, hon, we don't have a term like that for us women, but me too!! - "Could you go down on me babe" "please" - oooOhono, really? and you said "babe"?! Haha, he probably was repeating that in his head before he said it: what do I say? How to ask her in a nice way, I'll just use the word "babe" and that's it? you could be more like: "Let me go down on you first" (I'll show you mine, if you show me yours ;) or a 69). I dunno? but don't be so God Damn selfish! Sex is about giving! At least in my book! But you know what hon'? I really don't feel like giving you shit right now, I'm kinda tiered and I just want to sleep! and I tell him so. But if he wants to masturbate cause his balls are hurting, that's fine with me! (but inside myself, I'd rather he wouldn't and do that at his place).
And every single time I am about to snooze off and fall asleep he turns around. He just can't stop tossing and turning, aaargh telling me that my mattress is too soft, etc... tuff shit dude, I love my bed!
"Maybe you should go home, none of us are going to fall asleep here." - "yeah maybe, I don't know, do you mind if I smoke?" - "Sure, go ahead." Maybe??? NO, you Have to go, I really do NOT want to wake up next to you. FUCK! and I go have a smoke with him, and I'm like: "Ok, I'm calling you a cab." and that's it! so he gets dressed and keeps on giving me these small kisses. No really stop that, please. At this point, I'm really annoyed and a bit grossed out. LEAVE!! "Your cab is waiting, you should go."
Oh God! Relief sigh, alone. It is now 5AM, I go back to bed and argh, I feel a bit iuuu, I don't know how to say it: dirty? That's a bit harsh. Yes, that's it: I can still feel him, his energy. So I get up take a shower change my sheets! It is now 5.30 and I am wide awake! Just perfect! pff
Great! Well that was a date that finished well!
and who wakes me up in the morning, well more around noon?
My super and his dog, barking in the back of my building, which I usually never hear cause they are hardly ever there! of course...
Really lolA, please listen to yourself next time, okay?
you know this and you keep on doing it again, listen to your gut feeling.
Lust is one of the seven sins and you are an angel, so STOP.
"You promise lolA?" - "I promise" - "What? I can't hear you" - "I said, I promise" - "What? Say that again" - "YES! I Fuckin' promise! Okay, happy now? Stop making me feel guilty for God's sake!"
The dual never ends: Evil verses Good.
Monday, 22 November 2010
Friday, 12 November 2010
Episode 13
I have visions sometimes, probably fantasies, for example:
I was at the laundromat the other day, and I put down my new sunglasses on the washer. Next to me, this black hunky dude is putting his wife-beater's T-shirt in the machine. He turns around and all of sudden, out of nowhere, grabs my new *Yves Saint Laurent* glasses and starts running away!!!! (Finally a real pair of sunglasses, was about time! Sick and tiered of those $5 ones, so let me brag about it, OKAY! - thx Lady J. btw)
NOOOOO WAAAY! The daring lolA runs after him yelling her lungs out, her long hair is wild, she can feel her heart beat faster and faster. Fiiinally, someone makes him trip (croche pied). He falls, hands first on the cold cement floor. He is now on his stomach (he has amazing abs & arms btw). And me, standing up with one foot on his back, just like if I won the war, proud to be a women in power! But still... he is not giving up the glasses!! So I punch him in the face and grab the glasses!
My friend Mista' R. says I would be a great dominatrix ;-)
Maybe that's what I should do, hun?! I could make good money hehe.
"The Green Eyed Boy", I sent him a text 2 days ago "So... You wanna catch up Friday" and and and... NADA!!!! AAAHHH and my gut was telling me not to. So why did I? It's weird, I really don't know? I want to see him again and at the same time, I don't? lolAAAA what do you WANT for God's sake?! Cause you know you can't create what you had last time... and that is what I want.
Anyways, I got a plan B on OkCupid, so there! NA! He's got a beard and hair to his shoulders :-/ He better trim that beard and cut his hair before Friday!! haha We chatted a bit and he seemed like a "nice guy" (boring), kinda of a hippie, "that's how my momma brought me up" says he, just hope there is no tie-dye t-shirt goin' on!
and "Mista' Saturday"... Well, he does not exist anymore :( looked at his profile today under a pseudonym "Shantiii" can't let him know that I'm still thinking of him a bit!! U COWARD, him mot ME!
Cigi Break.. Music Break.. Coffee Break.. Chatting Break with Marlinochka in Paris!! Miss U Girl..
Shower done and summer clothes in the back of the closet :D
Winter here I come!
Now, a bite to eat...
Ok so Tuesday date!
Name: "Bike Freak"
His Description on his profile: "Bike geeks. They think that 8 hours on a bike is a day well spent. They spend big on their bikes but you wouldn't know it from the surface. They buy the best, not the most expensive. They do their own mechanical work. They come from varied backgrounds but they tend to have tight little asses. If you're lucky you'll find a hill climber, they go up like an angel and go down like the devil. The girl? She can stand on her own two feet and doesn’t get pissed off when the geek spends the day riding".
We had a conversation about fire places, so he found this cute little place near my neighborhood called "Black Mountain" and with a fire place of course. I appreciated the effort!
Of course, lolA always on time if not too early waits at the bar, orders a beer and plays with her iphone.
He comes in, short hair, really short, too short! and Damn his profile pix is soooo much better than reality, ARGH, but he does have gorgeous blue eyes. He takes a seat and turns out, even sitting down that I am taller than him?! kinda awkward, so I try to hunch, haha. I don't like looking down on a man, I'd rather look up at a man, way more sexier and makes me feel safe, (he protects me from those freaks out there, my heroooo).
So, we start chatting and who comes in?! My ex, et Merdeeuuu. I dated this guy for like 3 months or so, but it didn't go anywhere. He was really sweet but he just could not F*** me!! Don't ask! I don't know. He always had an excuse. Horny girl in bed wants sex and the guy says NO, humm?! Okay at the beginning, I get it, he wants to do things right, which I appreciated. But seriously, after the 3rd time? WTF? Come on, something's wrong here! He's into S&M, which actually was kinda of fun (not my first time hehe), oh lolA you kinky little girl.. naughty naughty naughty little girl ;-) but still, that didn't give me any action down there. FRUSTRATED!!
Awkward moment: "hey" - "hey, how's it goin'?" and we both go back to our conversations. We do live in the same 'hood so it's not like I hadn't seen him since we broke up.
To tell you the truth, I don't really remember what we talked about with the "bike freak", that means a lot --> booooring!! I do remember that he teaches pilates and is learning acupuncture. Too healthy for me! I'm sure he is bisexual, he has manners that are a bit tooo feminine for me, ya know, the hand thing? We order "une fondue" for 2 (I've had better ones) and another beer. Food/drinks done, we're done! Check please! We split it in 1/2, he could of payed a bit more... but whatever it's NY and it's $$$. At this point, I just want to be home! Hug and then "ok, well" - silence - "bye" - silence - "bye" - silence - "good meeting you" - silence - "yeah same here" - fake and polite smile and off we go in different directions, even though I knew he should of gone in my direction, I did not say anything :-/ Just want to be home, it's so cold out!!
Well, back to square one!
Between, my fantasies and reality. I gotta figure things out. Maybe I just need a little whipping to wake up ;)
catch ya later!
ciaocio
I was at the laundromat the other day, and I put down my new sunglasses on the washer. Next to me, this black hunky dude is putting his wife-beater's T-shirt in the machine. He turns around and all of sudden, out of nowhere, grabs my new *Yves Saint Laurent* glasses and starts running away!!!! (Finally a real pair of sunglasses, was about time! Sick and tiered of those $5 ones, so let me brag about it, OKAY! - thx Lady J. btw)
NOOOOO WAAAY! The daring lolA runs after him yelling her lungs out, her long hair is wild, she can feel her heart beat faster and faster. Fiiinally, someone makes him trip (croche pied). He falls, hands first on the cold cement floor. He is now on his stomach (he has amazing abs & arms btw). And me, standing up with one foot on his back, just like if I won the war, proud to be a women in power! But still... he is not giving up the glasses!! So I punch him in the face and grab the glasses!
My friend Mista' R. says I would be a great dominatrix ;-)
Maybe that's what I should do, hun?! I could make good money hehe.
"The Green Eyed Boy", I sent him a text 2 days ago "So... You wanna catch up Friday" and and and... NADA!!!! AAAHHH and my gut was telling me not to. So why did I? It's weird, I really don't know? I want to see him again and at the same time, I don't? lolAAAA what do you WANT for God's sake?! Cause you know you can't create what you had last time... and that is what I want.
Anyways, I got a plan B on OkCupid, so there! NA! He's got a beard and hair to his shoulders :-/ He better trim that beard and cut his hair before Friday!! haha We chatted a bit and he seemed like a "nice guy" (boring), kinda of a hippie, "that's how my momma brought me up" says he, just hope there is no tie-dye t-shirt goin' on!
and "Mista' Saturday"... Well, he does not exist anymore :( looked at his profile today under a pseudonym "Shantiii" can't let him know that I'm still thinking of him a bit!! U COWARD, him mot ME!
Cigi Break.. Music Break.. Coffee Break.. Chatting Break with Marlinochka in Paris!! Miss U Girl..
Shower done and summer clothes in the back of the closet :D
Winter here I come!
Now, a bite to eat...
Ok so Tuesday date!
Name: "Bike Freak"
His Description on his profile: "Bike geeks. They think that 8 hours on a bike is a day well spent. They spend big on their bikes but you wouldn't know it from the surface. They buy the best, not the most expensive. They do their own mechanical work. They come from varied backgrounds but they tend to have tight little asses. If you're lucky you'll find a hill climber, they go up like an angel and go down like the devil. The girl? She can stand on her own two feet and doesn’t get pissed off when the geek spends the day riding".
We had a conversation about fire places, so he found this cute little place near my neighborhood called "Black Mountain" and with a fire place of course. I appreciated the effort!
Of course, lolA always on time if not too early waits at the bar, orders a beer and plays with her iphone.
He comes in, short hair, really short, too short! and Damn his profile pix is soooo much better than reality, ARGH, but he does have gorgeous blue eyes. He takes a seat and turns out, even sitting down that I am taller than him?! kinda awkward, so I try to hunch, haha. I don't like looking down on a man, I'd rather look up at a man, way more sexier and makes me feel safe, (he protects me from those freaks out there, my heroooo).
So, we start chatting and who comes in?! My ex, et Merdeeuuu. I dated this guy for like 3 months or so, but it didn't go anywhere. He was really sweet but he just could not F*** me!! Don't ask! I don't know. He always had an excuse. Horny girl in bed wants sex and the guy says NO, humm?! Okay at the beginning, I get it, he wants to do things right, which I appreciated. But seriously, after the 3rd time? WTF? Come on, something's wrong here! He's into S&M, which actually was kinda of fun (not my first time hehe), oh lolA you kinky little girl.. naughty naughty naughty little girl ;-) but still, that didn't give me any action down there. FRUSTRATED!!
Awkward moment: "hey" - "hey, how's it goin'?" and we both go back to our conversations. We do live in the same 'hood so it's not like I hadn't seen him since we broke up.
To tell you the truth, I don't really remember what we talked about with the "bike freak", that means a lot --> booooring!! I do remember that he teaches pilates and is learning acupuncture. Too healthy for me! I'm sure he is bisexual, he has manners that are a bit tooo feminine for me, ya know, the hand thing? We order "une fondue" for 2 (I've had better ones) and another beer. Food/drinks done, we're done! Check please! We split it in 1/2, he could of payed a bit more... but whatever it's NY and it's $$$. At this point, I just want to be home! Hug and then "ok, well" - silence - "bye" - silence - "bye" - silence - "good meeting you" - silence - "yeah same here" - fake and polite smile and off we go in different directions, even though I knew he should of gone in my direction, I did not say anything :-/ Just want to be home, it's so cold out!!
Well, back to square one!
Between, my fantasies and reality. I gotta figure things out. Maybe I just need a little whipping to wake up ;)
catch ya later!
ciaocio
Tuesday, 9 November 2010
Episode 12
Damn, that was a depressive Episode 11, but today the sun is out and I feel like a winner!!! Why? I have no fuckin' Idea?! I just AM!!!
Like my friend Lady J. said: "I say drop him, move on to the next one.. More fish in the sea ;-)" I say, HELL YEAH! I just wanted to see how far Mista' Saturday could go, not very far, I guess.. pfff pussy!
So Friday Mr."Vajazzling", arriving on his bike, comes in: wish he would take off his hat but he doesn't, not even ONCE during the whole evening (probably balding, oops). I mean it's polite for a man to take off his hat in front of a women no?! At least at first and then put it back on, if he feels more comfortable with it, fine. pfff american culture ;-), does "gentlemanhood" exist in this country? Not too bad taste though, but he could of been more evening like (euh sneakers?) and un "coupe vent" (jacket called wind cutter). Not very sexy, I don't care if you are riding your bike dude! We're here to seduce each other, so make it happen! Damn I was wearing boots and a miniskirt!! I had to improvise, all my jeans were drying, could not wear mu usual outfit (I never put my jeans in dryer, they shrink especially that I am not getting any thinner rrrrr). Hey! I am french okay, the way a man dresses IS important to me, can't help it!
(Green eyed boy has Good Taste btw :D)
So we order 2 Brooklyn Lagers please! So "Euh Cheers to new encounters!!". We start talking and turns out, he was married twice and has a 15 year old daughter and he is 33 and an artist, who works for an artist, lives is BK with 4 roommates UGH! NOOOO can't deal with that, really, I've dealt with an artist already and don't wanna go back there, plus he has quite a heavy past there in relationships and a bit young for that! But he really does make me laugh and I am having a good time, minus the minuses, so I say: "Let it Be and stop analyzing lolA". After 2 beers and 1 smoke, we move on to go see his friend playing in a band a couple blocks away in this comic book event. So I'm imagining a bunch of weirdos/freaks dressed up as superheroes, but we walk in and it's a bunch of nerds, sitting on benches looking at the first band playing, who kinda really suck, but it's a funny scenario, I am laughing inside, I am such a Bitch. "2 beers please" seems like they don't have anything stronger.. I would of loved a shot of Jack there! Then, his friend starts playing and they are way funner. They all have masks on and the bench people start taping there feet on the floor, people are starting to get up and dance and then he asks me: "you wanna dance?" - "uh yeah, sure, why not" Better than just standing there, plus I love to dance, so he attempts to grab my hand and whirl me around but it's kinda clumsy so we're just dance solo... Concert ends, we head out and he's like: "Can I walk you home?" - "I don't want to go home yet!" so we go for a drink in the bar next door. We're smoking outside and I can feel he's been wanting to kiss me for some time now, but I always managed to get away with it, striking up a conversation when I see his eyes looking at my lips or turning my head and pointing out this dude who can't take his eyes off this girls boobs which are about to pop out of her dress while they're dancing together. But Now, it's just us 2 outside and he is getting brave, OH NO here it comes the neck is bending his head is getting closer. ME: "Humm so you wanna kiss me hun?!" HIM: "May I?" Damn not the answer I hoped for more like: "Why? You don't want to?" So I do let him kiss me, Not a bad kisser, soft lips but No "UMPF". I don't feel that excitement of the first kiss. We go in for a last drink and chat. I am now getting tiered. He insists to walk me home! "NO, I live 20min away by walk, plus you have your bike, I'm just going to take cab, but call me ok?" What? Why the hell did I say that? "Call me?" I don't want him to call me. I dunno, maybe I was feeling bad and I wanted to be nice? Do I know what I want? Yes and it's not him, I could of easily brought him home and slept with him, have warm arms around me but I am not attracted to him and I do not want to wake up next to him. That's what I think of before I have a man sleep over. Unless I am totally wasted and I just am listening to the hungry beast inside me RRRRAOU!! haha
Anyways, so later on, I get a text "hope you got home ok , sweet dreams" I answer some bullshit... The weekend goes by I don't even thinking of him! Sunday evening 6PM call, OH SHIT! I don't answer :-/ voice mail: "euh hi, just callin' to see how you were doing and euh hope you had a good weekend and euh well, humm ok call me. Bye" ARGH, (sigh) I'll call him in an hour... Guess, I am in the power position here and I feel bad. An hour 1/2 later, I make the call "Hi Vajazzeling" but no sound is coming out of my mouth haha, I've been cheering so much for the NYC Marathon that I lost my voice. JUST GREAT, Perfect! Doing the best I can with my peeks and lows: "Yeah, great weekend thanks, euh I just wanted to tell you that, well I don't think this it's going to work out" and that was it! Easy, no big deal, I don't understand why guys can not simply do that instead of giving the silent treatment which is horrible or the "see you soon" thing. "Thanks for calling me back and telling me that" - "Yes, Girls are good at that!" That was not very tactful of me - "I'm good at that" says he! "Well, it was nice meeting you and I did have fun, so if you do just want to hang, call me!" and that was it!
Tuesday Date coming up soon ;)
ciaociao
Like my friend Lady J. said: "I say drop him, move on to the next one.. More fish in the sea ;-)" I say, HELL YEAH! I just wanted to see how far Mista' Saturday could go, not very far, I guess.. pfff pussy!
So Friday Mr."Vajazzling", arriving on his bike, comes in: wish he would take off his hat but he doesn't, not even ONCE during the whole evening (probably balding, oops). I mean it's polite for a man to take off his hat in front of a women no?! At least at first and then put it back on, if he feels more comfortable with it, fine. pfff american culture ;-), does "gentlemanhood" exist in this country? Not too bad taste though, but he could of been more evening like (euh sneakers?) and un "coupe vent" (jacket called wind cutter). Not very sexy, I don't care if you are riding your bike dude! We're here to seduce each other, so make it happen! Damn I was wearing boots and a miniskirt!! I had to improvise, all my jeans were drying, could not wear mu usual outfit (I never put my jeans in dryer, they shrink especially that I am not getting any thinner rrrrr). Hey! I am french okay, the way a man dresses IS important to me, can't help it!
(Green eyed boy has Good Taste btw :D)
So we order 2 Brooklyn Lagers please! So "Euh Cheers to new encounters!!". We start talking and turns out, he was married twice and has a 15 year old daughter and he is 33 and an artist, who works for an artist, lives is BK with 4 roommates UGH! NOOOO can't deal with that, really, I've dealt with an artist already and don't wanna go back there, plus he has quite a heavy past there in relationships and a bit young for that! But he really does make me laugh and I am having a good time, minus the minuses, so I say: "Let it Be and stop analyzing lolA". After 2 beers and 1 smoke, we move on to go see his friend playing in a band a couple blocks away in this comic book event. So I'm imagining a bunch of weirdos/freaks dressed up as superheroes, but we walk in and it's a bunch of nerds, sitting on benches looking at the first band playing, who kinda really suck, but it's a funny scenario, I am laughing inside, I am such a Bitch. "2 beers please" seems like they don't have anything stronger.. I would of loved a shot of Jack there! Then, his friend starts playing and they are way funner. They all have masks on and the bench people start taping there feet on the floor, people are starting to get up and dance and then he asks me: "you wanna dance?" - "uh yeah, sure, why not" Better than just standing there, plus I love to dance, so he attempts to grab my hand and whirl me around but it's kinda clumsy so we're just dance solo... Concert ends, we head out and he's like: "Can I walk you home?" - "I don't want to go home yet!" so we go for a drink in the bar next door. We're smoking outside and I can feel he's been wanting to kiss me for some time now, but I always managed to get away with it, striking up a conversation when I see his eyes looking at my lips or turning my head and pointing out this dude who can't take his eyes off this girls boobs which are about to pop out of her dress while they're dancing together. But Now, it's just us 2 outside and he is getting brave, OH NO here it comes the neck is bending his head is getting closer. ME: "Humm so you wanna kiss me hun?!" HIM: "May I?" Damn not the answer I hoped for more like: "Why? You don't want to?" So I do let him kiss me, Not a bad kisser, soft lips but No "UMPF". I don't feel that excitement of the first kiss. We go in for a last drink and chat. I am now getting tiered. He insists to walk me home! "NO, I live 20min away by walk, plus you have your bike, I'm just going to take cab, but call me ok?" What? Why the hell did I say that? "Call me?" I don't want him to call me. I dunno, maybe I was feeling bad and I wanted to be nice? Do I know what I want? Yes and it's not him, I could of easily brought him home and slept with him, have warm arms around me but I am not attracted to him and I do not want to wake up next to him. That's what I think of before I have a man sleep over. Unless I am totally wasted and I just am listening to the hungry beast inside me RRRRAOU!! haha
Anyways, so later on, I get a text "hope you got home ok , sweet dreams" I answer some bullshit... The weekend goes by I don't even thinking of him! Sunday evening 6PM call, OH SHIT! I don't answer :-/ voice mail: "euh hi, just callin' to see how you were doing and euh hope you had a good weekend and euh well, humm ok call me. Bye" ARGH, (sigh) I'll call him in an hour... Guess, I am in the power position here and I feel bad. An hour 1/2 later, I make the call "Hi Vajazzeling" but no sound is coming out of my mouth haha, I've been cheering so much for the NYC Marathon that I lost my voice. JUST GREAT, Perfect! Doing the best I can with my peeks and lows: "Yeah, great weekend thanks, euh I just wanted to tell you that, well I don't think this it's going to work out" and that was it! Easy, no big deal, I don't understand why guys can not simply do that instead of giving the silent treatment which is horrible or the "see you soon" thing. "Thanks for calling me back and telling me that" - "Yes, Girls are good at that!" That was not very tactful of me - "I'm good at that" says he! "Well, it was nice meeting you and I did have fun, so if you do just want to hang, call me!" and that was it!
Tuesday Date coming up soon ;)
ciaociao
Monday, 8 November 2010
Episode 11
"Oh God", looking at myself in the mirror this morning, "My thighs are really getting big!! I'm getting my period, that's why..." (uhun, yeah right girl), "Yes! I'm all bloated everywhere, can't you see!" AND my hair is already growing back down there!! I want "LASER HAIR REMOVAL", can't stand those ingrown hairs anymore, I need a rich husband!
And now, my cous' and his wife are having a baby! All my friends are either moving in together, getting married or having kids! and I can't stand it anymore! I am getting pressure from my family, friends. Dinner parties, where there are only couples and they have to find a bachelor so I don't feel like a third wheel. No, they don't say anything, it's just a feeling, a vibe, the way people look at me (am I getting paranoiac here?!) AND I'm gonna turn 33 in December AND I don't even own one piece of furniture, I sublet! AND I am under unemployment. All, this equals !LOOSER! oh boohoo poor lolA, YES poor ME (pouty face), self pity ME ME ME!
Oh hell yeah! My period is arriving anytime soon, now!!
I need a smoke. God save me from lung cancer! or not...
And now, my cous' and his wife are having a baby! All my friends are either moving in together, getting married or having kids! and I can't stand it anymore! I am getting pressure from my family, friends. Dinner parties, where there are only couples and they have to find a bachelor so I don't feel like a third wheel. No, they don't say anything, it's just a feeling, a vibe, the way people look at me (am I getting paranoiac here?!) AND I'm gonna turn 33 in December AND I don't even own one piece of furniture, I sublet! AND I am under unemployment. All, this equals !LOOSER! oh boohoo poor lolA, YES poor ME (pouty face), self pity ME ME ME!
Oh hell yeah! My period is arriving anytime soon, now!!
I need a smoke. God save me from lung cancer! or not...
Episode 10
AAA I'm tiered of theses stupid profiles: "expert in back rub", they ALL say that! Damn, be more original guys, like a finger rub for instance?! I dunno.. OUUU not in a good mood today lolA?
Well it's so grey, rainy and gloomy for a Monday that I just want to bury myself under my quilt. Brrrr
Okay Updates!!
Mista' Saturday:
Wrote him an email that went like this:
Mista' Saaaaaturday!
You must be in London...
What on Earth happened? Is it the brother thing? Did I do something? You disappeared?! I don't get it.
We've been in touch for what? 5/6 weeks? I see you once and then little by little you vanish?
Just talk to me hon' . I don't bite, at least, I try not too...
I understand that you're busy, but for your own sake, a personal life is important for your own mental health, I believe... You need to take a break btw work, writing and your shrink and... spider bites ;-) but I am not your mama or shrink or you, not my place to tell you how to live your life, just telling ya what I think.
You are an interesting character and I like how you question yourself, at least I think you do... and I am curious to know, what the hell is going on up there in his head?! I just wanted to know you better and it does not have to be boyfriend /girlfriend thing.
We did meet in an awkward situation, the brother, then my friends... Was not ideal, for a first date :-/
I just wanted a fresh start with better eyes cause I like talking with you! I am just curious about you, that's all Mista'.
So let me know what's going on, I hate being in a clueless situation and I really don't like the word "soon" ha! (it means nothing)
Bon Voyage Monsieur.
Shit, Igor the fly is back... (that was a private joke we had)
xo
Rachel
And ..... NOTHING! So far..
Honestly, I think he is a coward and won't go forward. Do I want a coward? noooooo ;)
and I feel good about myself, I don't have that knot of "waiting and waiting" for the answer.
The Green Eyed Boy: :D
No! of course I was not patient enough to wait for him to contact me!!! So, I sent him a text Saturday with a pix of a sticker of the Batman logo on a window (his costume for Halloween) saying: "I thought I saw you somewhere in the 'hood" and he answered right away! Yeah! Bouyakasha!!
No! of course I was not patient enough to wait for him to contact me!!! So, I sent him a text Saturday with a pix of a sticker of the Batman logo on a window (his costume for Halloween) saying: "I thought I saw you somewhere in the 'hood" and he answered right away! Yeah! Bouyakasha!!
He said: "ha! How was your halloween?" and I send him a pix of me in my costume" (you can see my nipples through my white T-shirt ;)), "It was FUN etc.. " and he answered back: "him too, he was upstate partied so hard that when it was sat night he did not even need a costume he had become batman haha and that he was now cleansing." and I did not answer. I am keeping that last text!!
Is it all about who has the power? who is in control?
Maybe I'll text him Tuesday: "So let's hang, Friday?" Just put it out there, I don't want no "soon" word again. HATE that word!!!
But do I really want to see him again? Or should I just keep that moment and not spoil it? I feel like it'll be awkward, the best would be a concert: together but surrounded with "noise", so not have to deal with the intimacy thing, at least, just yet... Dinner would be too formal. We already had sex, so the "1st date dinner thing" would not feel right (kinda like going backwards) and he does not want to date anyways, he does not want a relationship!! So tell me again lolA, why are you pursuing this? AH yes, his green eyes in mine while I had 2 orgasms in a row, thanks to his amazing ****. Don't be confused girl! Careful... You know now that good sex does not always mean that feelings are involved! You've learned your lesson more than once, so protect yourself from that gorgeous **** :D
My Friday night with "Vajazzling":
Meeting at Union Hall at 8Pm and then going to a concert where his friend is playing.
I text my friend Chacha who lives in the neighborhood and ask her if by any chance she's around, if my date is really boring, to save me. and guess what? She's already there with some friends haha well, another situation where friends are around!
So I see this guy out the window arriving on his bike, at least he does not look short, hat and glasses, wonder what he looks like with both off.. So I go and sit at the bar and let Chacha spy at us ;)
ok. time for me to get up.
Will continue later
ciaociao
Friday, 5 November 2010
Episode 9
Lonely, is my name today..
I believe that every human being is alone, and on it's own. We do have friends and families and husband or wife, lovers even sometimes to try and fill in that gap! But they can't go inside us and fill up what's empty?! They are support and confidants, but we are on our own. We have life companions, partners yes and we travel a road together (or next to each other?). But can we be one? "soul mates" Does that exist? or is it just an expression to relieve us from reality?
I live in NY, a very lonely city, where we lie to ourselves, often blinded by all the action going on. A city of orphans where the family is abroad. Xmas, Thanksgiving amongst friends which has now become my family here.
Paris, has not that feel, there is so much history and past in that cement, the circle of friends and family you are brought up in, that there is no option of escaping, or discovering, or tasting something different. You are in a cast, you are stuck in the same dimension until you die of boredom. It may be a bit harsh, but they are so blinded by their own culture, by the "that's how it should be", that they don't even see themselves and just judge others in order not to face their own life, their own reality. Loneliness?
How to live your loneliness fully and accept it?
I don't know. All I know is that, I escape by going on websites like OKCupid.com. There is even this website called Chatroulette, all you need is a webcam and you can speak with complete strangers all over the world! I even spoke with this guy who lives in China, some teenage girls in London! Of course, a lot of perves that want to see your tits and jerk off in front of you. Very sad. I stopped going there after 2 times, it was too depressing.
I did meet this guy who lives in Miami though, and we did have a little skype sex. We kept in touch and now we regularly speak on skype (and only speak!). Kinda like a modern penpal I guess?! He became a confidant; a complete stranger. It does make things easier, cause he has no idea of where I come from, or my past, He just sees me for whom I am now. Kinda refreshing in a way!
I was skyping with my Mom in Paris yesterday and she asked me: "Don't you feel lonely, living by yourself after leaving Mista' P?" (my ex, 2 years ago) and I was like: "No, not at all, I love living alone and I've lived alone for many years, even before Mista' P, but yes, it would be nice to have someone to come home to." It's true, I like the freedom of having my own space and not having to compromise my rhythm of life for someone. But maybe, that's because I have not found that someone for whom I would be happy to do so?
It was a challenge moving to Budapest, Hungary, with my ex. A city where the language is unbelievably hard, incomprehensive. Seriously, not a Greek or latin root, a tribe that just settled there. A totally different culture, with a past that is pretty heavy in pain. A beautiful city though, delicious pastries, Turkish baths, shots of Palinka (a traditional Hungarian fruit brandy) in warm underground bars, with clouds of smoke! Mista' P's mother's cooking every second Sunday. But I always felt, like there was some kind of shadow covering all that, something very grey... I was moving there to live with a man for the first time and in a tiny apartment, but at least we were in the center and not in the suburbs sharing the apt with his brother. But that small space, I believe was a killer. Not enough space for each of us to breath.
Why did I leave NY? Was I running away from my loneliness here? Was I really in Love? Did I just go because I had nothing to lose? Did I use him to experience something new?
I don't know.
ciaocioa
Thursday, 4 November 2010
Episode 8 (re: episode 6)
OH NO EPISODE 6 DISAPPEARED :(
How did I manage to delete my whole story with ELVIS!!!
Can't write that again... well, Okay, I'll just sum it up quickly.
Elvis, all dressed in black with dandruff all over his shoulders (yuck). Crazy about Elvis and a realistic painter, opens the door to his smelly, rent stabilized bachelor pad with no sun light in the East Village (a friend of mine was like, that's "cum" smell iuuu, dude, don't tell me that).
Anyways, he spray painted my Sookie (True Blood) costume and he was all awkward about the moment his hands were gonna touch my boobies (I had the T-shirt on while he was spray painting it). I thought he would grab them and through me on the floor and kiss me passionately AOUUU, well actually, thank god he didn't. NO he was just like, "euh can you just put your hand on euh well there? thx." T-shirt done and well done! Time for me to buy him a drink for all his hard work! He end up in this "Chic Dive Bar" not far from his place. Me, a Jack & Coke, Him, Smirnoff & Soda, and all he talks about is karaoke! Ok I like it once in a while, but Seriously once if not twice a week, WTF?! A bit too much for me. Ha, "ok time for me to go now hon!" He walks me to the subway and walking down the stairs: "Call me if you wanna sing a duet one of these days!" Did not hear his answer, if any..
Meeting up with my girls now... (much better).
New Action!!
I am having a date on Friday :D (text beepbeep) Well, No :( he just cancelled cause he was not feeling well. AND I was gonna have another one on Sat but he cancelled too cause he has friends comin' in from Bermuda to run the marathon and saturday night is the only time they can all get together!!! blabla Whatever....
and Mista' Saturday or the Green Eyed Boy NO NEWS :(
ciaociao
Ps:
!No! Friday still on :D . He, let's call him "Vajazzling" (we had a conversation about it, google if u don't know what it is). He is soooo busted haha, he was texting a friend saying, he was not feeling good and he mixed up numbers pfff, idioto. He called to apologize and admit his idiocy. Good point! Shows he is not a coward! hehe But now there is no way you can fool me... soooo busted!
How did I manage to delete my whole story with ELVIS!!!
Can't write that again... well, Okay, I'll just sum it up quickly.
Elvis, all dressed in black with dandruff all over his shoulders (yuck). Crazy about Elvis and a realistic painter, opens the door to his smelly, rent stabilized bachelor pad with no sun light in the East Village (a friend of mine was like, that's "cum" smell iuuu, dude, don't tell me that).
Anyways, he spray painted my Sookie (True Blood) costume and he was all awkward about the moment his hands were gonna touch my boobies (I had the T-shirt on while he was spray painting it). I thought he would grab them and through me on the floor and kiss me passionately AOUUU, well actually, thank god he didn't. NO he was just like, "euh can you just put your hand on euh well there? thx." T-shirt done and well done! Time for me to buy him a drink for all his hard work! He end up in this "Chic Dive Bar" not far from his place. Me, a Jack & Coke, Him, Smirnoff & Soda, and all he talks about is karaoke! Ok I like it once in a while, but Seriously once if not twice a week, WTF?! A bit too much for me. Ha, "ok time for me to go now hon!" He walks me to the subway and walking down the stairs: "Call me if you wanna sing a duet one of these days!" Did not hear his answer, if any..
Meeting up with my girls now... (much better).
New Action!!
I am having a date on Friday :D (text beepbeep) Well, No :( he just cancelled cause he was not feeling well. AND I was gonna have another one on Sat but he cancelled too cause he has friends comin' in from Bermuda to run the marathon and saturday night is the only time they can all get together!!! blabla Whatever....
and Mista' Saturday or the Green Eyed Boy NO NEWS :(
ciaociao
Ps:
!No! Friday still on :D . He, let's call him "Vajazzling" (we had a conversation about it, google if u don't know what it is). He is soooo busted haha, he was texting a friend saying, he was not feeling good and he mixed up numbers pfff, idioto. He called to apologize and admit his idiocy. Good point! Shows he is not a coward! hehe But now there is no way you can fool me... soooo busted!
Tuesday, 2 November 2010
Episode 7
Sooo Let's catch up here:
and NO the cleaning did not bring any of my men home (pouty face)
plus I got waxed!
"Mista' Saturday":
He asked me to send him a picture of me in my Sookie costume on Halloween and if I was at a house party, "maybe", yes "maaaaaybe" he would meet up, pfff. So I sent the picture and he's like: "Cute! Hey I'm with your buddy, Mista' Friday (his bro)" - "well thanks for making me feel stuck in the middle, here!" and since then no news and I am NOT contacting him anymore, tiered of doing all the work, up to him now!
I had talked to him on the phone like 2 days earlier (WOW! I got him to call me??!!! Crazy). Phone call: after 5 minutes of him blabbering about a neighbor he hardly knows that disappeared, totally disregarding me, it is intriguing though, especially 2 days before Halloween, spooky! But still.. Nervous and shy, I believe he was. Me, finally getting to the point: "So what's up? We've been in touch for like, what? 4/5 weeks now, and we saw each other once, what's the deal here? DO YOU WANT TO SEE ME AGAIN?" - "well, my shrink says I'm not 30 anymore and if I want to finish my novel, and euh, yeah and I help out friends when they can't work, and I scout for movies..."
( Ok. What are you saying here? That you don't not have time to have a personal life? (So all you do is jerk off and dream of pussy and breakfast in bed the next day with your gal?!). Because the only relationship you have is with your shrink and that's the only person you are capable of being intimate with? yeah too much mental masturbation here. Ahlala )
"No I want to hang out again, but I have to go to this funeral in London (take me with you :D) on November 7th. A close friend of my Dad past away (his Dad passed away when he was 13 or so). You are the only girl, umm, person, umm, well (fumbling), I hanged out with these past weeks! (trying to make me feel good)" - "Well, I hope, I'll see you before you leave?!" - and then he tells me he is a Hypochondriac and that he takes pills to sleep and that a lot of his friends are junkies??!!! okaaaaay, WTF?
Where does this guy come from?! His brother is not like that at ALL and the first impression of Mista' Saturday was a pretty clean guy with a cowboy shirt and a zippo (sexy) who just seemed a bit tipsy or high (so was I, so who am I to judge!). They are brought up on Park avenue, with an aunt who owns a porn store and for every xmas gives them porn and $10.000 (cool aunt ;). That would be a fun evening, sex and porn and buy some sexy lingerie!! or those $10.000 could just be for the diapers of the kids we will have together haha (dream on little girl).
Anyways, the end of the conversation was, "Maybe I'll meet up with you on Halloween babe.." pffff Whateeeeveeeer!
Never happened.
"The Greened eyed boy": much shorter...
I sent him a text asking if "Batman had any plans on Friday night cause I need him to take the pain away and save me!" - "I wish I could help out ;-) but I'm super busy being Batman Upstate. Hopefully catch up soon" - I HATE the word "soon", that means NEVER!
A couple months ago, I went out with this guy in his 40ies, thrilled to be single and wanting to stay that way for ever. He was clear about that, so I'm like, that's cool, we can just be friends with benefits! and we did spend a couple of amazing days and nights together and then, out of nowhere it was: "No sorry, I can't meet up but SOOOON" - "No, sorry, I've got to get up really early tomorrow, but SOOON!" and never saw him again, IDIOT! He got scared hehe, pussy, he can't even play his own game haha, let's call him the architect (that's what he does). So that's where I learned, that the word "Soon" means "Never or maybe we'll bump into each other someday"... He didn't even accept my invitation to be friends on FB!!! @$%^&
Anyways, so I tell Batman - "Well, catch those bad guys before you catch me! If you can..." - and NADA that was 4 days ago. Is he still Upstate or just not interested?? I'm going for option 2 :(
But it was refreshing to meet a guy, that was not on OKCupid. Gosh those green eyes and that ... OH! I want MORE I want to see him again!! Will I have the strength to wait until he contacts me (if he ever does)?
Meanwhile, I will look for more meat on OKC ;-)
You need a "Plan B" to distract yourself, plus I am unemployed looking for a job, so I do have a lot of time on my hands.
Wonder if I am someones "Plan B"? humm.. probably :-/, that's not very self confident of me! I should, I AM the queen, Ze "Plan A"!!
Now, that's the spirit lolA :D
ciaoico
PS:"Elvis"
Sent him a picture of me in my costume: the T-shirt he made! Response: "Go Sookie!" and that was it. Good! Don't want to see him again.
and NO the cleaning did not bring any of my men home (pouty face)
plus I got waxed!
"Mista' Saturday":
He asked me to send him a picture of me in my Sookie costume on Halloween and if I was at a house party, "maybe", yes "maaaaaybe" he would meet up, pfff. So I sent the picture and he's like: "Cute! Hey I'm with your buddy, Mista' Friday (his bro)" - "well thanks for making me feel stuck in the middle, here!" and since then no news and I am NOT contacting him anymore, tiered of doing all the work, up to him now!
I had talked to him on the phone like 2 days earlier (WOW! I got him to call me??!!! Crazy). Phone call: after 5 minutes of him blabbering about a neighbor he hardly knows that disappeared, totally disregarding me, it is intriguing though, especially 2 days before Halloween, spooky! But still.. Nervous and shy, I believe he was. Me, finally getting to the point: "So what's up? We've been in touch for like, what? 4/5 weeks now, and we saw each other once, what's the deal here? DO YOU WANT TO SEE ME AGAIN?" - "well, my shrink says I'm not 30 anymore and if I want to finish my novel, and euh, yeah and I help out friends when they can't work, and I scout for movies..."
( Ok. What are you saying here? That you don't not have time to have a personal life? (So all you do is jerk off and dream of pussy and breakfast in bed the next day with your gal?!). Because the only relationship you have is with your shrink and that's the only person you are capable of being intimate with? yeah too much mental masturbation here. Ahlala )
"No I want to hang out again, but I have to go to this funeral in London (take me with you :D) on November 7th. A close friend of my Dad past away (his Dad passed away when he was 13 or so). You are the only girl, umm, person, umm, well (fumbling), I hanged out with these past weeks! (trying to make me feel good)" - "Well, I hope, I'll see you before you leave?!" - and then he tells me he is a Hypochondriac and that he takes pills to sleep and that a lot of his friends are junkies??!!! okaaaaay, WTF?
Where does this guy come from?! His brother is not like that at ALL and the first impression of Mista' Saturday was a pretty clean guy with a cowboy shirt and a zippo (sexy) who just seemed a bit tipsy or high (so was I, so who am I to judge!). They are brought up on Park avenue, with an aunt who owns a porn store and for every xmas gives them porn and $10.000 (cool aunt ;). That would be a fun evening, sex and porn and buy some sexy lingerie!! or those $10.000 could just be for the diapers of the kids we will have together haha (dream on little girl).
Anyways, the end of the conversation was, "Maybe I'll meet up with you on Halloween babe.." pffff Whateeeeveeeer!
Never happened.
"The Greened eyed boy": much shorter...
I sent him a text asking if "Batman had any plans on Friday night cause I need him to take the pain away and save me!" - "I wish I could help out ;-) but I'm super busy being Batman Upstate. Hopefully catch up soon" - I HATE the word "soon", that means NEVER!
A couple months ago, I went out with this guy in his 40ies, thrilled to be single and wanting to stay that way for ever. He was clear about that, so I'm like, that's cool, we can just be friends with benefits! and we did spend a couple of amazing days and nights together and then, out of nowhere it was: "No sorry, I can't meet up but SOOOON" - "No, sorry, I've got to get up really early tomorrow, but SOOON!" and never saw him again, IDIOT! He got scared hehe, pussy, he can't even play his own game haha, let's call him the architect (that's what he does). So that's where I learned, that the word "Soon" means "Never or maybe we'll bump into each other someday"... He didn't even accept my invitation to be friends on FB!!! @$%^&
Anyways, so I tell Batman - "Well, catch those bad guys before you catch me! If you can..." - and NADA that was 4 days ago. Is he still Upstate or just not interested?? I'm going for option 2 :(
But it was refreshing to meet a guy, that was not on OKCupid. Gosh those green eyes and that ... OH! I want MORE I want to see him again!! Will I have the strength to wait until he contacts me (if he ever does)?
Meanwhile, I will look for more meat on OKC ;-)
You need a "Plan B" to distract yourself, plus I am unemployed looking for a job, so I do have a lot of time on my hands.
Wonder if I am someones "Plan B"? humm.. probably :-/, that's not very self confident of me! I should, I AM the queen, Ze "Plan A"!!
Now, that's the spirit lolA :D
ciaoico
PS:"Elvis"
Sent him a picture of me in my costume: the T-shirt he made! Response: "Go Sookie!" and that was it. Good! Don't want to see him again.
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